September 21st is International Peace
Day. It might sound ridiculous to some
given the state of the world lately, but I believe there can be peace in our
lives and in the world. Peace is not simply
a state of being, but the result of practiced skill. How can we expect our future leaders to
resolve conflicts with people and nations if we have not taught them to do it
at the most primary level, at home?
Families are the perfect training
ground for peace. No one can offend as
easily as family and arguments or standoffs are frequently the result. It doesn’t have to come to blows to be
war. Just the motivation to undermine
someone else is war because it keeps both individuals in a state of
conflict.
We may not be able to end war in a day but,
what we can do is take this day to consciously practice peace with those
closest to us.
Here are my top five Go-To’s for
keeping the family peace:
1 1. Use Humor
When someone in our family is being unpleasant
we often place a stuffed Grumpy doll (I found in my daughters toy collection) in
a spot they are sure to go to soon. A
Grinch figurine or even a picture would work just as well.
2.
Show Concern
When people
are out of sorts they usually save their release for family. We come home and
seem rude or insensitive to the very people who love us the most. Instead of responding with criticism, try
asking, “what’s going on” and then listen attentively.
3. Don’t fuel the fire
People tend
to respond to other’s behavior with the same degree of force. So, when a teenager doesn’t get her way and spits
out those words, “I hate living here,” and dad spits back, “don’t talk to your
mother that way!” and Mom joins in raising her voice, “you don’t know how lucky
you are.” The teen has little conscious
choice but to defend her position with even greater zeal. Before you know it, a little flame has been
fanned into a bon fire. Try maintaining
your calm. It’s extremely effective in
defusing a situation.
4. No one wins when there’s a loser
Nothing
creates a power struggle more quickly than fear of losing an argument. It doesn’t even matter what the topic
is. If one person “wins” at the expense
of the other, the “loser” is going to feel resentful. If we are willing, a compromise can always be
made so that each person gets some of what he wants or needs. (**This is especially important for parents
to model for their children. Not only
will it improve parent child relations but it will give them the tools for being
successful in their future relationships).
5.
Stay on Topic
People tend to use past grievances to support
their current argument, but instead of proving their point they simple create a
whole new topic to argue.
You may ask yourself, “why should I be the one
to have to initiate peace? I’m not the
problem.” Well, someone has to
start. Someone has to lead. It doesn’t matter who “the problem” is. Each of us can choose to be the solution. As people experience peaceful resolution in
their own lives they will be likely to apply these tools themselves.
For more information on International Peace Day go to http://www.internationaldayofpeace.org/
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