September 21st is International Peace Day. It might sound ridiculous to some given the state of the world lately, but I believe there can be peace in our lives and in the world. Peace is not simply a state of being, but the result of practiced skill. How can we expect our future leaders to resolve conflicts with people and nations if we have not taught them to do it at the most primary level, at home?
3. Don’t fuel the fire
People tend to respond to other’s behavior with the same degree of force. So, when a teenager doesn’t get her way and spits out those words, “I hate living here,” and dad spits back, “don’t talk to your mother that way!” and Mom joins in raising her voice, “you don’t know how lucky you are.” The teen has little conscious choice but to defend her position with even greater zeal. Before you know it, a little flame has been fanned into a bon fire. Try maintaining your calm. It’s extremely effective in defusing a situation.
Nothing creates a power struggle more quickly than fear of losing an argument. It doesn’t even matter what the topic is. If one person “wins” at the expense of the other, the “loser” is going to feel resentful. If we are willing, a compromise can always be made so that each person gets some of what he wants or needs. (**This is especially important for parents to model for their children. Not only will it improve parent child relations but it will give them the tools for being successful in their future relationships).
People tend to use past grievances to support their current argument, but instead of proving their point they simple create a whole new topic to argue.